


attiré par le vide

by ayumihayashi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Blood, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Manipulation, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, author is sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayumihayashi/pseuds/ayumihayashi
Summary: Donghyuck yelled at him and then cried. Mark hated when he did that. He cried and apologized again and again. He got on his knees and begged to stay. Mark cried too, but only because Donghyuck gripped at his arm, the same one with the big bruise that his boyfriend left the day before.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 37





	attiré par le vide

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags please.
> 
> this one hits very close so it was kinda hard to write but i do feel a little better now that ive talked about it.
> 
> please take care of yourself.

His skin burns, fat tears rolled on his sad pretty face. The salty tears fell down on the cuts he left. It stings, but it doesn't hurt like before. He is in hell, on Earth.

Mark sat in his room, staring down at his trembling, blood stained hands and arms. He shivered. His vision blurry and heart beating so fast that it might even stop. The blood was drying pretty quickly, stuck on his usually smooth pale skin. His white shirt was ruined too, disgustingly covered in blood. _His blood_.

The bedroom was dark. Enough to let him alone with his thoughts.

_ He was falling apart. _

The thing is, Mark knew, he knew the whole situation was bad but he was getting something out of it that he craved so much. Love.

That love was ugly, though. It is toxic, it eats you up, it hurts. But love hurts, right? At least that what he was always told. And of course he believed it but he thought that maybe, just maybe, this one wasn't like the others. Mark was certainly naive, but he always dreamed of the perfect little love story. The one that gives you butterflies in your stomach instead of that disgusting anxiousness. That same love that fills your heart with all the best warm moments, not the one that squeeze your poor heart so hard that you wished it killed you. 

But love hurts. It was hell. Scars are proofs of it, physical and emotional scars that stays forever. 

He tried getting out of this relationship, once again, but Donghyuck yelled at him and then cried. Mark hated when he did that. He cried and apologized again and again. He got on his knees and begged to stay. Mark cried too, but only because Donghyuck gripped at his arm, the same one with the big bruise that his boyfriend left the day before. 

The day before, where Mark's face burned. Where he begged for Donghyuck to stop, to leave him alone. Fists still touching his skin, leaving bruises on his face and body. He murmured " _I hate you_ " but his words got lost between his screams of pain. His body was limp and he did nothing to protect himself, what was the point of making Donghyuck even more angry at him? Mark wondered if making him suffer was pleasant to Donghyuck? Why did he loved it so much? 

_Stop complaining, be thankful he even wants to fucking touch you!_ Mark hated the voice in his brain, it made him sick. 

Mark suddenly felt the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, he looked up surprised, eyes wide and lip now busted open. Before he could even ask Donghyuck why he punched him square in the jaw, his hands were around his throat, pushing him against the wall. The impact pushed all the air out of his lungs, he uselessly clawed the hands choking him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Mark choked out, voice shaky and broken. His sobs became uncontrollable, leaving him breathless. He couldn’t breathe. 

"I've told you enough times, didn't I? Don't you remember how this relationship works?"

"I do."

"Then tell my why the fuck do you still want to act like this?"

Mark knew not to talk back, especially when Donghyuck was mad. He had to stay quiet. Silent and obedient. Just like Donghyuck wanted him to be. The younger pressed his throat harder, it would surely bruise but he didn't care. He never cared enough about Mark anyway.

"When I say something, you listen to me. When I ask for something, you give it to me. If you don't, I punish you. Is it that hard to understand?"

A slap landed on his cheek, then, Donghyuck left. Mark's body dropped to the floor immediately and with one last disappointed look, Donghyuck made his way out of the room. He probably wasn't going to leave for too long but at least, Mark thought, he was out of the house.

He rushed to the bathroom the best he could, taking big gulp of air and still crying. He couldn't see much but he knew where to search. 

_ You know how to make it stop. _

Mark rummaged through the small drawer and pulled out what he was looking for. That small blade that he promised not to touch anymore. 

His mind grew louder, half of it yelling at him to stop, and the other half telling him to do it. Angel and demon.

He pressed the blade against his skin, pressing harder across his arm. Pain. Pain made him feel good, it made him feel something, pain reminded him that he was suffering. He watched the blood collecting at the deep cut. Blood trickling down his arm, down to the floor. He went back to the bedroom, sat down on his bed and made some other cuts before bringing his arm against his chest, staining his white shirt but he didn't cared enough. 

He clenched his eyes shut for a moment. What if he disappeared?

_ He lost already.  _

**Author's Note:**

> [@taeilsyndrome](https://t.co/GUR4UKbqXG)


End file.
